When There's No Village: Parenting Without Support
We’ve all heard the saying: “It takes a village to raise a child.”
But what happens when you don’t have one?
That’s the reality for our family.
When my mom lived with us here in the UK, we had a little extra support. Someone to step in when things got hard. Someone to help lighten the load. But when she moved back to South Africa recently, suddenly it was just us - two parents, two kids, and no one else to lean on.
And the truth is, it’s tough, and it's exhausting.
The Weight of Doing It Alone
Moving to a new country is hard enough. Juggling a full time job and parenting is hard enough. Raising a child with additional needs is hard enough. Life itself can feel hard enough. Doing it all without a support system? It can feel impossible.
Yes, we’ve made some friends here. But everyone has their own families and their own busy lives. It’s not the same as having a grandparent who can swoop in at a moment’s notice, or a sibling you can call when school rings you to pick up your child early. For us, there’s no one to pass the baton to.
When Devan was suspended from school last week Friday after a meltdown (which, in itself, is a whole other story), we didn’t have a backup plan. I had to be in the office. Anthony worked from home. And Devan watched TV so Ant could get through his meetings. It wasn’t ideal. But it was all we could do. Because when you don’t have a village, you just figure it out - even if the “solution” doesn't look the way it should.
The Cost to Us as a Couple
Another part of not having a village is what it means for Anthony and me. We’ve had to accept that, for the foreseeable future - there won’t be weekends away, there won’t be regular date nights, there won’t even be much time carved out just for us. Babysitters aren’t in the budget, and the truth is, there’s no one else we can really ask.
That’s a scary thought sometimes. Because while we love our kids fiercely, we’re also two people who need time to connect outside of parenting. And right now, that time feels like a luxury we just don’t have.
Breaking Point (and Picking Ourselves Up Again)
We're only human, so there are days when the weight of it all really does break us. Days when the meltdowns feel relentless, the house is a mess, the to-do list is getting longer and longer, and both kids need us in different ways at the exact same time.
On those days, we snap, we're moody and frustrated, and we collapse into bed at night wondering how we’ll do it all again tomorrow.
But we do. Because we don’t have a choice.
Finding Strength in Our Little Unit
The one thing that keeps us afloat is knowing that, even without a village, we have each other.
Anthony will step in so I can grab a few hours to work on Thrive (and, honestly, if he didn't, there would be no Thrive!). I’ll pick up the housework so he can have a lie in on a Sunday morning. We juggle, we compromise, yes we drop balls - but we also keep picking them back up.
Our family unit is the four of us. And while it’s not always easy, it’s ours. It’s strong. And it’s what keeps us moving forward, even when the days feel impossibly heavy.
Closing Thoughts
No, we don’t have a village. But we have resilience. We have love. We have two children who need us to keep showing up - even when we’re tired, even when we feel alone, even when it’s really, really hard.
And so we do.