Making Space For Yourself (Without the Guilt)

If you’re a parent - especially a parent of a child with additional needs - then you probably know this feeling all too well: You finally sit down for five minutes, maybe with a coffee or just in silence, and almost immediately that familiar guilt creeps in.

I should be with the kids. I should be folding laundry or cleaning up the house or prepping dinner.

It's always there, isn't it?

The Guilt of Stopping

So much of this guilt comes from how deeply we care - but I've realized that it's also a result of how much we carry. 

When you’re raising a child with additional needs, your brain never switches off. You’re always anticipating, always preparing, always getting ready to step in. Especially when you're the only person who truly knows how to manage your child.

I often feel that way. I'm the only one who knows what works when Devan’s overwhelmed, what words to use when he’s spiralling, what tone might calm him down and what not to do because it will set him off. The problem with that, though,  is that when I’m not okay, I can’t actually access the version of myself that he needs. And that’s where the challenges unravel - because when I’m tired, dysregulated, and burnt out, everything becomes harder for all of us.

Why It’s So Hard to Rest

There’s this unspoken fear that if we stop for a moment, something will fall apart.
And let's be honest, sometimes it does.

So, instead of resting, we keep pushing. We tell ourselves we’ll slow down later, once things are calmer, once everyone’s settled. But that “later” never really comes. Add to that the pressure of working full time, managing the house, and juggling both kids’ needs - all without a "village" - it’s no wonder that taking a break feels impossible.

What Self-Care Actually Looks Like

So here’s what I’ve learned, and have started coming to terms with: self-care doesn’t have to mean a spa day or a full afternoon off.

For me, it’s often something simple - like going for a walk by myself with music in my ears, or occasionally meeting a friend for a coffee or a walk when I need to fill my social cup.

Sometimes it’s saying “no” to a commitment that I just can't face, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable to do, because I know adding one more thing to my week will tip me over the edge.

These moments might seem small, but they’re what keep me going.

Looking After Ourselves to Support Our Kids

When I do make space for myself - even if it’s just 20 quiet minutes - I notice a difference. I have more patience. I can respond to Devan instead of reacting. I can give Alyssa the attention she deserves.

And as much as it's about self-care for me, it’s equally about regulation for them. Because when I’m grounded, I can model what calm looks like, even on the hard days.

Closing Thoughts

I think the guilt will always be there, at least a little. But I’m learning to see it as proof that I care deeply.

So if you need permission to pause, take it.
Sit down, breathe, say no, go for that walk.
You deserve it - not because you’ve earned a break (I loathe that concept), but because you’re human.

And your kids need that version of you - the one who’s recharged, regulated, and still standing.