5 Things I Wish I Had Known as a SEN Mum Moving to the UK

When we decided to emigrate to the UK, I knew there would be challenges. But I truly believed that with enough love, planning, and determination, I could help my family settle in and thrive.

 

What I didn’t realise - and what I wish I could go back and gently tell myself - was just how different everything would feel as a mum raising a neurodivergent child in a new country. I was so busy trying to keep everything together on the surface that I didn’t realise how much I was carrying underneath.

 

Here are five things I wish I had known as a SEN mum moving to the UK:

 

1. The SEN system in the UK works differently - and it’s not easy to navigate
In South Africa, I worked at a SEN school. I had training, experience, and tools - so I assumed I’d understand how things worked here too. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The processes, the terminology, the thresholds for support - it's all completely different. I found myself starting from scratch, often in the dark, trying to understand the diagnosis process, referrals, assessments, and what support my child was entitled to.

What I wish I had done:
I wish I’d researched how the SEN system works here before moving - from how diagnoses are handled, to what support is available in nurseries and schools, and how to advocate within the UK system. It would have helped me feel less lost.

 

2. If a diagnosis is even a possibility, start the process before you move
Looking back, I could see the signs that Devan was neurodivergent even before we left South Africa. But I didn’t realise how hard it would be to get the ball rolling in a new country, where we were starting from scratch with health visitors, GPs, and new professionals. Had I known, I might have started the process earlier - or even delayed our move.

But the truth is:
You only know what you know. And I didn't know yet. That’s okay too.

 

3. It’s okay to not do everything perfectly
I was so hard on myself in those early months. I wanted to be everything - the calm, capable mum, the supportive wife, the new friend, the enthusiastic explorer, the hardworking employee, the homemaker… all while juggling toilet training, sleepless nights, daily nursery phone calls, and constant worry about how Devan (and the rest of us!) would cope in public spaces.

Looking back, I don’t know how I kept going - and I wish I had given myself more grace. I was doing the best I could with what I had.

What I’d say to that version of me now:
You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to not have the answers. And you don’t have to do it all alone.

 

4. Learn the language of support
There’s a whole new vocabulary in the UK around SEN - EHCPs, CAMHS, DLA - and understanding this language makes a huge difference. At first, I felt like I was always one step behind, unsure of what to ask for, or even who to ask.

What I wish I’d known:
You don’t have to become an expert overnight - but the sooner you familiarise yourself with the UK system, the more empowered you’ll feel to advocate for your child.

 

5. Connection is everything
Moving to a new country is isolating in itself. Add in the complexity of parenting a neurodivergent child and it can feel incredibly lonely. I wish I had found my people sooner - other mums walking similar paths, who understood the invisible work I was doing each day.

And the harsh reality is:
I'm still trying to find my people. I'm not all the way there yet. But that’s exactly why this community I’m building means so much - not just for all of you, but for me too. This space is becoming what I so desperately needed when I first arrived - a place where we don’t have to explain, where we feel seen, and where we can support each other through the messy middle of it all.

 

Being a SEN parent is already a full emotional load. Doing it while navigating a new system, culture, and life is a lot - and we all deserve a little compassion, clarity, and community.

 

If you're reading this and just starting out - either your SEN journey or a new life in a new place - please know this: it’s okay not to have it all figured out. I certainly didn’t. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed, and you’re allowed to take your time.

 

I wish I’d known how much grace I deserved in those early days. So if nothing else, I hope this post leaves you with that reminder: you are doing better than you think, and you don’t have to walk this road alone.

 

All my love,
Sharona